bonding and bondage

Why is it that I am such a total bastard?

Feel free to not answer that the question is not really directed at you. More at myself and at the world in general.

Its not that I am doubting myself or that I am doubting anything I do or the way I do it its just I am questioning the reason why.

Here is an example.

I have a Wed night schedule. Its pretty set in stone and if i was not to show up it would inconvenience a few other people and I enjoy the time I spend together with my friends.

But I also have a few hours to kill in between that and my last class for the day. So like the good sexual deviant that I am i quickly go from class to over to My slaves home to take advantage of her and use My little sex slave for my amusement.

Hmmmm maybe a little bit of explaining is in order....

You see over the winter holidays a there was a little bit in the change of dynamic in O/our relationship. My sweet adorable little slut has become my sweet adorable and loving slave.

This is a bit of a change for the both of U/us.

1. I have never had a slave before
2. she had never felt the need before to become a owned slave.
3. It is a reevaluation of our lives that W/we have lived so far. Where W/we want our lives to go and a frank stark look at how W/we are going to get there.

Now back to the gut check that was all ready in progress.

Because of the shift of power (was there a shift or just a realization of it already) there is some things that I have been changing slowly about my little slave. For example... push-ups and sit-ups. she has been assigned to exercise every morning after attending to the needs of her little puppy.

And between breaking her back. My dislocating her shoulder through extra vigorous sex and what not she has really impressed me with how hard shes been working out and its already starting to show.

Example several of her coworkers have mentioned that shes looking better and made passes at her. (question why should I be happy that someone is making a pass at my baby,)

Well to get back to my rambling i have also introduced the idea of getting her damn mail out of the mailbox every day like a normal person does and not let it build up until the end of the month and they finding out about surprise bills.

I am only "allowed" to check her mail after she has gotten home. And if i find mail in her mail box she will receive spankings. 10 per item of mail. after the first 30 with the hand she moves on to the leather paddle and after another 30 she gets the metal paddle.

Now ask yourself if you was faced with the chance that your ass might receive the attention of a metal paddle that hurts like hell using it just lightly and after getting your ass warmed with a leather paddle and a hand do you not think that you would check your mail every day?

yup.. but some days she feels lucky and decides that I probably wont check the mail. those are the days that I like. Its a little bit like Christmas I open the box and find little presents for me. A reason to exert my dominance and also to inflict pain and torture on my wonderful little slave.

Now I can hear in your head. "well if your calling yourself a master you don't need an excuse. you just can"

Ya well no shit but I like there to be a rhyme and reason. Treating a punishment of this nature as casual or at least seen as a just because I want to is counter productive to actual training.

Think of a poor little abused puppy who is beat for no reason. If you were to just call it over it would likely curl up and piss itself and cause it to get in trouble. If that's the kind of servant that your looking for you have issues and need a bullet in the fucking head.

But back to the story. I stopped at the mail box on my way to her place and found two items. a flier for pizza and a have you seen me letters for resident. now I am not going to count the flier as that's just trash that i don't think they need to put in the mail. The second I believed her story that she had just checked it coming in from the store with dinner and that I had just gotten there after the mailman.

This resulted in a favorite past time of mine called beat the whore.

WWWWhhheeeee I love my sex life. Now if you read a lot about the lifestyle and how scening works you will find references like subspace. Well there is also Domspace. this is a zone I feel more centered while inflicting punishment. I am calmer more in control almost and yet more ready and willing to inflict harsher punishments and being brutal fucking.

Its the part of me that slaps my slave in the face while fucking her so she wont learns to look at me in the eyes so I can see the fear in her eyes and watch the tears fall across her face.

Now yesterday I was VERY cruel I was told and shook her down to her core during sex. "Ya go me" I scared her so much she admitted later as I was holding her in bed. That she had given up the idea of my letting her cum at all during the scene and that i was mind fucking her as well. And that she was having troubles getting her head around how I had shaken her so far.

Now I will freely admit that read a lot and will steal ideas to use in bed and how I can be a more capable Master for her. Because of reading I have been taking ideas on how to get her to beg in a more believable fashion and as how to push the limits on verbal abuse during sex.

When I tried out a little taste of something I had been reading on her, the responce I got back was "wow, if you take out the bit about my tits and the whore part You would sound just like my dad when i was in high school.


WOW talk about a gut check.

So I have to ask myself why am such a total bastard and where is it do I draw the line at pushing the limits of my slave, so not only can she still look at me with respect but also Myself.